I Need To Control My Anger Better

how to deal with anger issues

August 19, 2015 • Grow

Hey Shiners,

There’s something some people may not know about me:  I have a problem controlling my anger.

When I feel like someone has done me wrong, I can get a bit carried away with my reaction.

Some of you may be thinking, “No way! Not you, Rana! I don’t believe it!” (Believe it, nobody’s perfect.)

Let me tell you a little story.

The other day my boyfriend made me really upset. I don’t even remember what he said at this point, let’s just say after I got off the phone with him, I was fuming!

So you know what I did?

I opened up my iPhone and started texting him everything I wish I had said to him when we were on the phone!

(To blow off the steam and FIX THINGS, you know?)

Five texting minutes later, I looked at a long line of iPhone messages that said “delivered.”

I really thought my text rants would solve something or at least make the situation better.

They didn’t.

It turned into a case of him ignoring me. (He’s not the type to respond to 20 anger-fueled long-winded text messages sent in a row.)

I thought to myself: Why the hell did I let him make me that angry?

But, I couldn’t stop being angry. I started talking to myself. I even started crying because I was JUST.SO.MAD! The only thing that I knew would make me feel better was to go to sleep. So, I laid on my bed and talked to myself some more about how angry I was and waited until I fell asleep.

To tell you the truth, our argument was really dumb. All I can remember is that he was upset with me about something and then I got upset for him being upset with me. Then things escalated. (Maybe  communicating with people who have varying opinions other than my own is another skill that I need to master, too.)

My mother’s words floated in my head, “Rana, not everything requires a response or reaction.”

Hmm… let’s break this down.

Him being upset with me then caused ME to get upset. I got SO upset, I ended up being more upset than him. (Anyone ever experience that?)

The point of this little story is this: I need to stop letting people anger me.

I know this is a little bit unrealistic. Anger is an innate and natural human emotion. There are actually times when anger is good and has positive psychological benefits. Some include: anger as a motivating force, anger as beneficial, anger as providing optimism, anger as providing self-insight, blah blah blah, etc.

Yes, those are all true. However, for me when I get SOOO angry sometimes the only thing that helps is falling asleep. Afterwards, I may be motivated. Afterwards, I may reflect, etc.

Keyword: AFTERWORDS.

I’m pretty sure I can deal with my anger in the present and not have to wait UNTIL it SUBSIDES to figure out what the hell happened.

Something I really need to work on is control – the “thing” that dictates HOW angry I get and HOW I react to situations that anger me.

Deciding to work these issues out in the present will dramatically change others’ ability to anger me and incite less-than-pleasant reactions.

There is no reason why I can’t take control of my anger. By allowing someone to incite anger in me – so much so that I react impulsively and do things I’ll later regret it – can be damaging. (Some of those texts I sent were really mean.)

This issue is something that I know you can probably relate to in the professional and personal environment. From the co-worker or boss who you can’t seem to gel with to your family that seems overly intrusive and judgmental…people have the ability to anger us anytime, anywhere.

The next time you feel that anger getting the best of you, ask yourself: Is it worth it?

Focus on the positive thoughts and feelings you’d been feeling prior to being upset. Focus on telling yourself you have control and can MAKE the decision not to be angry. FOCUS on trying to understand what is the REAL problem at the heart of the situation. There are other ways to deal with the igniters that are inciting your anger.

Remember, there is always a PATH TO HAPPINESS. There is always a PATH TO PEACE.

Figure that out. Define what being happy for you at that moment of anger will be.

Plus – as far as building your personal brand, you don’t want to be known as the loose cannon who can’t control her emotions. (I don’t think I’m known as that, but this is a personality trait of mine that can sometimes be released to those that are very close to me.)

I don’t want to be known as the person who has to become a total recluse in order to recalibrate. (Or, maybe that’s not a bad thing?)

I don’t know. I’m still figuring it out.

That’s what life is about: admitting that each day is a new chance to improve’s one self and both BE and DO better.

Want to read more on this topics? Check out this great post by Courtney Sanders “How To Master Your Emotions”

So tell  me: How do you deal with anger? Do you have any tips that I can use when I’m at the brink of no return???

Comment below!

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Rana Campbell is the Editor-in-Chief and Founder of Ranacampbell.com, a site dedicated to personal branding and helping people learn how to SHINE in their personal and professional lives.

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  • Emilie Burke

    Oh girl. I have the same problem. My big struggle is walking away/hanging up so that I don’t say something I’m going to regret. I so so get this struggle. I’m trying to do the “take a deep breath in silence” thing right now. It’s all about locus of control!